Fitness

Once again, America has the last laugh.

I may have scoffed at the idea of treadmills and the associated almost Buddhist notion of running yet not advancing, but I am now having to eat some very humble pie.

Faced with the twin onslaught of eating too much (pie or otherwise), which has more than made up the kilos I lost so easily over the summer, and the fact that it's simply too cold (-8°C on a good day) and dangerous to go running outside (sharing slushy roads with oversized cars is no fun), I am going to have to throw in the towel - or rather wrap it round my neck - and head down to the gym for what is literally an exercise in futility.

Be Prepared

While out shopping for stationery at Office Depot yesterday, I came across a series of kits of documents for a variety of situations; wills, tenancy agreements, business registration and suchlike. What I was particularly interested to discover given America's litigious culture was the following:

And in case things don't work out, Office Depot has another handy ready-to-use kit:

Dorkism

Last night we watched the Coen brothers' latest film, 'Burn After Reading', starring Brad Pitt and George Clooney, whose performances were remarkable for their complete inability to be funny (describing everything as "shit" isn't). In fact, Brad Pitt would be my nominee for this year's Razzie in the Most Over-the-Top Acting category. The film's only saving graces are a wonderful John Malkovich and an amusing last 30 seconds.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about.

Trawling through the bonus features on the DVD for some light relief, I discovered an interview with the film's costume designer, who described how she dressed the apparently hunky Mr Clooney to make him look like a dork: a grey polo shirt tucked into belted jeans and trainers.

As a person who regularly wears a grey polo shirt tucked into belted jeans and trainers - something I have specifically done today out of protest - I take great offence to this remark. Unless, of course, sporting this combination makes non-hunks like myself look like Gorgeous George.

Any (confirmatory) comments? Mum?

American Sports

My son Tom is determined to try all the sports that the New World has to offer - though not necessarily the obvious ones.

Having taken a crash course in lacrosse, a game clearly invented by native Americans as a way to club European settlers without getting shot in response, he is now signed up for an introduction to pillow polo, a sport which has nothing to do with polo nor uses pillows.

As you can see in the image above, pillow polo is a lot like hockey, but with softer sticks and a sponge ball. Nevertheless it is undoubtedly designed to get children used to hitting each other with sticks in preparation for a career in ice hockey's "world league", the NHL.

Incidentally, I was amazed to hear on the radio the other day that a recent attempt to ban fighting from ice hockey failed when nearly all the NHL's coaches and owners rejected it because the move would change the nature of the sport! Take these quotes from two general managers:

• "I think it's become integral in terms of how the game is played. I think it acts as a bit of a thermostat (...) and I believe that most of our fans enjoy that aspect of the game."
• "Any discussion about the elimination or abolition of fighting will be a very brief one. I don't think there's any support for that whatsoever."

Earlier this month, a 21-year-old player died from injuries he sustained in a fight. Last week (see video below), another player suffered seizures following the pummeling he received just seconds into a game.

(Notice how the referee just stands by and watches the fight, making no attempt to intervene?)

Meanwhile, my daughter Anna has chosen a far more global sport to pursue: gymnastics. Though this too could point her to another great American "sport": cheer leading.

Part-Time Pres

Now that George W. Bush has left the White House for good, it is safe to reveal that he didn't actually spend a lot of time there.

As reported by various sources, including AFP, NPR, CNN and NBC, President Bush had one day of holiday for every three days at his desk. Indeed, he was on vacation a jaw-dropping 77 times during his eight-year presidency, frittering away almost two years playing golf or clearing brush on his ranch.

By way of comparison, the previous vacation record was held by Ronald Reagan, who had 436 days off when he should have been leading the free world. The final figure for "Bush 43" was 490.

Given that most workers in the United States only get about two weeks' leave a year, is it any surprise that few people are sad to see Dubya go?

Yum or Ah?

Seeing this wrapper on a tin of tuna at my local Costco yesterday reminded me of the absurd recent campaign by the American animal-rights organisation People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals to have fish renamed "sea kittens" because you're less likely to kill, cut up, cook and consume something that sounds cuddly.

Having said that, I wonder what lies behind the "chicken of the sea" branding. Leaving aside the fact that the picture on the label is not a fair representation of a chicken, are we to believe that the contents of this can have legs and wings, are battery-farmed and/or taste poultry-like? I very much doubt that any of these is the case. But I didn't buy any, just in case.

Rule of Thumb (contd.)

You know it's pretty cold outside when your cold and hot water pipes freeze in a wall inside the house.