"The Talk"

America is currently gripped by the case of Trayvon Martin, an unarmed black 17-year-old in a hooded sweatshirt who was stalked and then shot dead by a vigilante as he was walking home from a shop in Florida. Bizarrely enough, the boy's self-confessed killer, George Zimmerman, has not been arrested because the state has a so-called "stand your ground" law that allows the use of weapons in self defence, even outside the home.

Leaving aside the details of the case, which are still coming to light a month after Trayvon's death, it was in conjunction with this that I discovered a rite-of-passage that black parents across the US feel obliged to go through with their adolescent sons.

"The Talk", as it is known, is not a discussion about how babies are made. "The Talk" is a reaction to the fact that racial profiling is a reality in 21st-century America - an allegedly post-racial society which now even has a black president. It is an acceptance that African-American teenage boys throughout this "great nation" are routinely considered a potential threat.

As such, black parents have to explain to their children how they should dress and behave to avoid being seen as "acting suspiciously", the term George Zimmerman used when telling the cops why he was following Trayvon Martin against their advice.

As one of my wife's colleagues confirmed, black parents tell their teenage boys not to hang around on street corners, but go to friends' houses instead. They tell them to put the hoods of their hoodies down when going into shops, to always be polite to police officers and never raise their voice or get angry towards them, no matter how they are treated, and to keep their hands visible at all times.

Slavery may be long gone in America, but, sad as it may seem, kids of one specific ethnicity have to be taught by their own parents to be subservient to authority figures, even in the face of blatant injustice, simply because of who they are.

I am a big fan of hoodies. I frequently go out to my local shop at night wearing one. Yet nobody has ever confronted or followed me, let alone dialled 911 or accused me of appearing threatening or suspicious. I will never have to have "The Talk" with my son or caution him against playing outside with his friends. There is no need.

Why? Because we are white.

Local Crime

The following gems from the 'Crime Watch' section of our local newspaper, The Beacon, are too priceless to keep to myself:

Tire marks damage lawn
Police said a motorist damaged a front lawn overnight Dec. 20-21 in the 3000 block of Parkland Drive. The homeowner told police that a vehicle made deep tire tracks and grooves in the yard. Upon observation, police said a pickup truck might have sped too quickly into a curve and landed on the grass.

Police settle TV dispute
Police were called in to the 7000 block of Stonebrook Road Dec. 21 to intervene in a family dispute over whether to watch professional wrestling or football on television. Police said the wife called officers after her husband allegedly grabbed her wrist while struggling for the remote control.

The Daily Show

The Daily Show is a pure delight.

Broadcast on Comedy Channel at 11pm EST Mondays to Thursdays and repeated the following lunchtime, the half-hour programme is hosted by the exceedingly witty and knowledgeable Jon Stewart, a kind of funnier version of Jeremy Paxman.

Complete episodes and individual segments are available online (though maybe only accessible in the US).

The Daily Show is a hilarious satirical programme that excels at analysing and lampooning current news and in particular media reporting thereof. It is especially good at using media footage to reveal how personalities/politicians say or do one thing one day and then the exactly the opposite the next.

Recent "scoops" involved its outing of the fact that Fox News used footage from a demonstration in September to suggest a health care-reform protest in November was better attended than it actually was, and the revelation that popular radical right-wing radio and TV host Glenn Beck was urging people to put money in gold when he is actually the spokesman for Goldline.

Helping Stewart mock the news in inimitable fashion are his team: Wyatt Cenac, "senior black correspondent" Larry Wilmore, Aasif Mandvi, Samantha Bee and Britain's own John Oliver, who ably assist him in taking aspects of recent news to absurd extremes.

Ironically, given that The Daily Show is aired on the Comedy Channel and makes no attempt to be a proper news show (as topical as its reports and cynical barbs may be), Jon Stewart was voted "America's Most Trusted Newscaster Since Walter Cronkite" in a poll carried out by Time magazine.

Eat your heart out, CNN.

Crime News

It may be time to move to a safer area.

Perhaps the global financial crisis is to blame. Perhaps it's high unemployment. Either way, crime has clearly shot up in our neck of Suburbia, as the following frankly disturbing report from our local newspaper, the Beacon, clearly shows:

Flag taken
A U.S. flag and flagpole were reportedly torn down early in the morning on July 15 from a home in the 5000 block of Wright Way West. Police said the flagpole was originally attached to the house, and the homeowner heard noises late at night. The value of the flag and pole was estimated at $20.

Suburban Crime

From my local newspaper, the Beacon:

"Two back-to-back egg throwing incidents occurred in the same neighborhood, police said. Police suspect [!] that someone threw eggs at a 2002 Lincoln in the 3000 block of Green Oaks Drive overnight between Feb. 16 and 17. The next night, someone threw eggs at a 1998 GMC Jimmy in the 6000 block of [adjoining] High Ridge Road."

The uncertainty implied by the final sentence makes this a true gem:

"Police believe the incidents are related, though they had no information on how much damage the vandalism caused."

Suburban Crime

The crime wave that has swept our corner of suburbia (see earlier posts) has now reached our very doorstep - that is to say our street - as this article from our local newspaper, the Beacon, clearly shows:

   Police received a report January 9 that a resident's vehicle had been stolen from XXX Drive after last being seen at 9pm January 8. The car, a 1997 Chevrolet Monte Carlo, was left unlocked with the keys on the front seat, police said.

Local News (contd.)

Local crime reporter D.W. has outdone himself again:

Woman Reports Minor Cut After Traffic Accident
   A 30-year-old woman leaving her apartment was involved in a car crash at the complex's exit onto Drake Road. A man, also 30, rear-ended her vehicle.
   The man reportedly lost his temper immediately upon exiting his vehicle and ripped some paperwork out of the woman's hand.
   The woman reported to police that at some point during the incident she suffered a small cut to the webbing of her left hand. The cut reportedly was deeper than a paper cut, but required nothing more than a Band-Aid to treat.
   The woman wanted the incident documented, nothing further.

Ignoring the wishes of the intriguingly web-fingered victim, D.W. decided to give the story two inches in the Beacon.

Local News

I know you can't wait for the latest news from the Crime Watch section of my local paper, the Beacon. So without any further ado, I give you the low-down on our crime-riddled community in the immortal words of ace reporter D.W.:

   A woman living at a home on (...) told police that she left home about 1pm Oct 15 and discovered a small amount of money missing when she returned at 3pm.
   The woman left a couple of doors open at the home. When the woman returned, she noticed that the doors were slightly open.
   Inside, she saw a kitchen drawer open and an air compressor moved from its previous location. The only thing she noticed missing was about $2-$3 in loose change that had been on a television set.

Local News

Local newspapers around the world are always a wonderful source of journalistic barrel bottom-scraping and typographical randomness. Around here they carry such glorious names as The Beacon and The Eccentric. I simply have to quote the following article from my local rag verbatim because it's such a hilarious case of desperately trying to squeeze two columns out of a complete non-story:

    Two days later, police responded to an address on West Maple Road west of Orchard Lake Road. The police report is not entirely clear, and Police Lt. Carl Fuhs did not know exactly what kind of business it was, but a cleaning woman and another employee at the site got into some kind of disagreement during a discussion about voting. According to the story police gathered, the cleaning woman was getting upset and the other woman attempted to go away.
    However, the cleaning woman, who is black, later confronted the other employee and accused the other employee, who is white, of not liking Obama because he is black, according to police.
    The other employee, a 37-year-old Howell woman, tried to calm down the cleaning woman, a 55-year-old Detroit woman, and called her boss, police said. The cleaning woman reportedly pulled the woman's hair, grabbed the phone from the woman's hand and threw it. Fuhs said police did not know if the hair-pull happened intentionally or incidentally as the cleaning woman went for the phone.
    A 50-year-old Farmington Hills man entered the room and tried to calm down the cleaning woman, who reportedly ranted at him before leaving. Police found her in the area, Fuhs said, and the owners arrived.
    "The woman even told the owners, 'You either fire her right now or I'm prosecuting,'" Fuhs said.
    The owners, Fuhs said, thanked the cleaning woman for her years of service and fired her. No prosecution will occur.