State Mottos

Road trips are a long-established American tradition immortalised in films from 'Easy Rider' and 'Thelma & Louise' to 'National Lampoon's Vacation'. And even though most workers get very little paid leave (rarely more than two weeks a year), families will routinely travel long distances by car to their holiday destinations. By this I don't mean three to four hours, as we Europeans might drive. I'm talking ten hours, two days, even three - in each direction, of course.

Whenever we visit a tourist hotspot like a national park, my kids therefore like to play a game that might be called "Where Am I From?" This involves combing through parking lots checking car number-plates, which are issued individually by each state, to see which vehicle came from the furthest away.

The results of this game can be amazing: on a recent visit to Yellowstone in Wyoming, we discovered a car registered in New York, a state some 2200 miles away.

Another interesting aspect of US licence plates is that they almost always feature a slogan designed, presumably, to entice tourists to that particular state. Because these are so interesting and sometimes intriguing, we have begun collecting these catchphrases too.

Some slogans tout the relevant state's geographic features. This is the case with number plates from Arizona ("The Grand Canyon State"), Michigan ("Great Lakes Splendor"), West Virginia ("Wild, Wonderful"), Vermont ("The Green Mountain State") and Minnesota ("10,000 Lakes"). Others are less subtle in their bid to woo visitors: Louisiana, for instance, claims to be "The Sportsman's Paradise", Utah purports to have "The Greatest Snow on Earth", and Maine manages to top even that, declaring itself simply "Vacationland".

Certain states, like Illinois ("Land of Lincoln"), Delaware ("The First State"), Tennessee ("The Volunteer State"), Oklahoma ("Native America") and Connecticut ("The Constitution State"), trumpet their historical significance, although for some reason both North Carolina ("First in Flight") and Ohio ("Birthplace of Aviation") appear to lay claim to the same achievement. While the likes of Alaska ("The Last Frontier"), New Hampshire ("Live Free or Die") and Texas ("The Lone Star State") bluster about their rugged independence.

California and Colorado apparently need no introduction whatsoever because their number plates feature only their name. Meanwhile, at the other end of the scale, New Mexico ("Land of Enchantment"), Missouri ("The Show-Me State"), Massachusetts ("The Spirit of America"), Indiana ("The Crossroads of America")  and Arkansas ("The Natural State") seem to have no real claim to fame, which is presumably why they've opted for a vaguer, esoteric slogan.

With all these grandiloquent slogans gracing the cars across this great nation, you can't but feel sorry for the poor motorists of Idaho, a state roughly the size of Britain. What battle cry did their legislators pick to encapsulate this state's wide-ranging attractions and bring the world's tourists flocking to Idaho's glorious vistas?

"Famous Potatoes".

Unwitting Imposter

On a visit to Washington, DC, I spotted a cap in a gift shop that I simply couldn't resist buying: on the front it sported the logo of Air Force One, the US president's personal airplane.

Since then, I have been jokingly telling my friends that Barack Obama gave me it for managing to land the 747 on the White House lawn. If you've ever seen the president's official residence, you'll know that this is completely impossible, since there's barely enough room for Marine One (his personal helicopter) to touch down, let alone a 70-metre jumbo jet.

I was wearing this cap when I took my car in for an oil change last week. As I sat in the waiting room steeling myself for the inevitable news that they had found innumerable faults with the vehicle that absolutely had to be repaired immediately, one of the mechanics noticed my cap.

"Air Force?" he asked. "Put it there!" And before I knew it, he had grabbed my hand and was enthusiastically pumping it up and down with a big smile on his face, proud to be congratulating a member of the heroic American armed forces.

Embarrassed by such unwarranted praise, I meekly pointed to the logo. "You mean this?" I said. "Actually, it only means I'm a tourist."

"Oh", the man replied, turning to go into the toilet, where I presume he washed his hands very thoroughly.

Colour Me Bland

As we were driving through our town one day, my son asked me why American cars weren't colourful.

Surprised by his comment, I looked around me at the other vehicles on the road. To my amazement, I realised that he was right: every car was either grey, white or black. It was like being in a cartoon in which the background had been painted, but the foreground had mysteriously been forgotten.

Henry Ford, the man who revolutionised the automobile industry by introducing the assembly line, famously said that customers of his best-selling Model T could have their vehicle painted any colour they wanted - as long as it was black. The rationale behind Ford's decision to offer only one colour was that this was the cheapest and most durable to apply to a car. However, for some reason, Ford's monochromatic colour scheme from 1914 has remained in force to a large extent to this day, either because all auto manufacturers in North America have adopted it or because Americans simply like their cars bland.


Support for the latter theory comes from the annual breakdown of auto sales. As you can see from the table above, almost a quarter of the cars bought in the US last year were white. In fact, taken together, white, black, grey and silver account for seven out of every ten vehicles purchased in 2011.

Further still, judging by what I see in my neck of Suburbia, it seems as if most the 30% of seemingly colourful cars on the road aren't either, but rather the least attractive tones possible. The reds are more of a burgundy, the yellows a kind of mud, the blues look pale and watered-down, the greens are very dark - and the less said about the browns, the better.

More likely, however, manufacturers simply aren't giving their consumers much of a spectrum to choose from.

Take, for example, the vehicles in this household. The latest model of my car is sold in black, white, silver, "steel blue" and "sangria" (a darkish red). My wife's car is currently available in black, dark grey, silver, "steel blue" and "autumn bronze", a brown so dark as to be almost indistinguishable from black. In other words, were Mrs Newbie to buy her car today in the land that gave us Technicolor and Disney Channel pastels, she could choose between black, almost-black, grey, shiny grey and watery blue.

It is therefore little wonder that the black-and-white movie 'The Artist' scooped so many of the Oscars at this year's Academy Awards.

Garages

The American garage (pronounced "ga-RAHj") is an endless source of fascination for me.

Typically double - at least in my neck of Suburbia - and frequently triple or even quadruple, garages are the most prominent feature of the front of many houses (ours included); brash, bold, unmistakable evidence of the importance of the automobile in American life. And since they are attached directly to the house and often even heated, they could be considered a bedroom for the family's four-wheeled "relatives".

More often than not, garages are also the principal entrance to a house. We, for instance, nearly never use the front door except to receive and jettison guests. And since there's a door directly linking the back of the garage with the house, it's a good place to take off dirty shoes or get to/from your car without getting wet.

Best of all, garages offer plenty of storage space. Due to the way houses are built here, there isn't a loft, attic or cellar to put seasonal equipment and other temporarily superfluous items in. That leaves only one option: the garage. And boy, do people take advantage of this.

Now I don't know what you put in your attic, but I'm pretty sure that, like me, you use it to store all the things you don't need every day, but are reluctant to throw away: cartons of books, school trophies and memorabilia, every picture your children ever drew, odd ski poles, clothes, toys and stacks of your grandmother's World War II-era magazines.

Given that Americans are no less prone than their European cousins to hoarding, they have to put all these useless essentials somewhere. That's where the garage comes in.

Unfortunately, as one wise person pointed out to me, this means that people fill their garages with worthless junk, while their expensive cars rust outside.

Air Conditioning

Air conditioning is another of those American inventions that was a great idea originally, but - like driving and ice in drinks - has been taken to the logical extreme and is thus no longer so great.

If you live in a country in which it can be unbearably hot or unbearably humid and occasionally both, managing the ambient temperature is a shrewd move. It can, for instance, be wonderfully refreshing to go into a cool house when it's baking outside, and when we visited New York last year during a heatwave (the timing was purely coincidental and unintentional), just passing by an open shop doorway gave us renewed energy to pursue our exploration of this fabulous city.

Unfortunately, as mentioned in my preamble, you can get too much of a good thing - quite apart from the extra electricity this consumes (don't get me started on that one). Duly accustomed to such conditioning of their air, retailers, companies, restaurateurs and even private individuals routinely turn the temperature in their shops, offices, eating establishments and homes so low that it is positively unpleasant.

On a recent holiday (sorry: vacation), whenever we entered a hotel room, our first move after dropping our luggage would invariably be to sprint across to the air conditioning unit and switch it off, praying we wouldn't turn into an ice statue along the way.

For similar reasons, Mrs Newbie always has to take a jumper or jacket to work, where the temperature is typically 17°C, though often lower. The same is true in cinemas, concert halls, bars, hospitals, indeed any space that is enclosed.

Perhaps this explains why so many Americans have developed a thermally insulating layer of blubber. There's no other way to survive a trip to the mall without donning full Antarctic all-weather gear.

Unmarked Squad Cars

Unmarked police cars are supposed to be hard to spot, right? Well in the States, they're pretty easy to identify - by no fewer than three characteristics:

1. Most of them are Dodge Chargers
Whereas the police car ("interceptor") of choice has always been the Ford Victoria, police departments across the US think the best way to avoid detection is to disguise their vehicles as muscle cars. Perhaps they should be more imaginative in their range of models.

2. Most unmarked vehicles are black
More lack of imagination on the part of the nation's finest. And since relatively few regular cars are black, unmarked squad cars tend to stand out like a sore thumb - not least because they look like normal police vehicles, albeit without flashing lights on the roof or the stickers on the side.

3. Police vehicles have what looks like an extra wing mirror
This is the biggest giveaway of all. Because police officers want to be able to illuminate stopped cars at night without having to get out, they have a spotlight mounted next to the driver's (and sometimes the passenger's) side wing mirror, which they can move around using a clumsy-looking handle that extends inside the vehicle.

As a result, when you see a black Dodge Charger with what appears to be double wing mirrors, you have plenty of time to slow down, stop texting, put down your beer and hide your unlicensed guns before the cops see you.

Baby Steps

Michigan has just taken what amounts to a giant leap over here, although it would qualify as no more than a baby step by European standards. 

After years of wrangling, in which opponents claimed it constituted an infringement of privacy and could be used for racial harassment, a bill has finally now been passed (although it has not yet been signed into law by the governor) that allows policemen in Michigan to pull motorists over for texting while driving. Up to now, texting has only been a secondary offence warranting police intervention only if the motorist has already committed a more serious crime.

If my sources are correct, Michigan's bold move makes it only the twentieth-first state - out of fifty - to ban texting at the wheel outright. Various others prohibit only novice drivers from doing so. However, Washington is far from imposing nationwide bans. In January, the Transportation Department (i.e. ministry) merely prohibited drivers of trucks and buses over 10,000 pounds from sending text messages while operating commercial vehicles. A presidential order issued by Barack Obama at about the same time simply directs federal employees not to engage in text messaging while driving government-owned vehicles.

A recent survey found that by 90 percent of the population would back a blanket ban. Research by the Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration found that drivers who send or receive SMS messages take their eye off the road for 4.6 seconds out of every 6 seconds they are texting. A study by the Virginia Tech Transportation Institute concluded that texting while driving increased the risk of having a crash by 23 times. Other research has compared the effects to that of driving under the influence of alcohol. Yet day after day I see people doing so. 

The fact that such a ban was not enforced long ago shows that lobbyists and powerful interest groups still have the upper hand when it comes to real political decision-making.

Customised Plates

My new, personalised car number plates arrived in the post today, and I am very proud that I can now advertise my family's perceived status as purveyors of BSE: 


In contrast to the UK and many other countries, custom plates are extremely cheap in the States. Here in Michigan, for example, they cost just $30 for the first 12 months, and $15 a year thereafter. What's more, provided it's not perceived as offensive or already taken, you can choose any combination of up to seven letters and/or numbers - including spaces. As such, you can give your imagination free rein (or not, judging by the "BMW Z4" number plate I saw on one BMW Z4).

Given this undoubted bargain, not to mention solid proof of the "land of opportunities" principle, I'm surprised that everyone doesn't have personalised plates on their car.

Emergency Brake

Yesterday morning I was listening to 'Car Talk', a very amusing radio programme on NPR in which two very wise and funny brothers give auto-related advice to listeners who phone in, and one story struck me as typically American: a woman rang up to say that she had a manual car - a rare enough occurrence in the US - that she always parked in first gear since her house was on a bit of a hill. However, the problem was that her car would sometimes roll down the driveway nonetheless, and she was concerned about what to do because she didn't want to use the emergency brake. The show's hosts recommended she park in reverse because it was a stronger gear and less likely to slip than first.

I find two things interesting about her story. Firstly, the listener referred to the handbrake as the "emergency brake", a term usually used in reference to a dead-man's handle that stops trains when the driver is in some way incapacitated. As I understand it, the normal term for the device on a car - even in America - is a handbrake.

Equally telling is the fact that not only was she reluctant to use the hand-brake for the precise purpose for which it was designed (i.e. to prevent parked cars from rolling away), even going so far as to suggest that it was for emergency use only (which would be?), but also that the experts did not waste any breath advising her to pull the handbrake.

It is true to say that since nearly all American cars are automatics, you could buy something that cost you an arm and a leg (provided it was the right and left one respectively)* and still be able to drive completely normally in the States. For a similar reason - i.e. that they put the engine in 'park' when they turn it off - Americans treat the handbrake as an appendix-like vestige of a bygone era, and one that can therefore be safely ignored, nay forgotten entirely.

As the above example highlighted perfectly.

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* Sorry: bad joke

Local Crime

The following gems from the 'Crime Watch' section of our local newspaper, The Beacon, are too priceless to keep to myself:

Tire marks damage lawn
Police said a motorist damaged a front lawn overnight Dec. 20-21 in the 3000 block of Parkland Drive. The homeowner told police that a vehicle made deep tire tracks and grooves in the yard. Upon observation, police said a pickup truck might have sped too quickly into a curve and landed on the grass.

Police settle TV dispute
Police were called in to the 7000 block of Stonebrook Road Dec. 21 to intervene in a family dispute over whether to watch professional wrestling or football on television. Police said the wife called officers after her husband allegedly grabbed her wrist while struggling for the remote control.

Supersize Them

My wife recently found another reason why so many Americans drive around in huge cars. Going out to lunch with three of her colleagues, she offered to take everyone in her car rather than everyone going separately.

At this point in the proceedings I should point out that my wife has a midsize sedan (see below), not a small car by any stretch of the imagination.

Theoretically it has room for five people, though the central rear set is about half the size of a normal one, so there are really only two seats in the back - but there's definitely plenty of space in the rear for two.

Background explanation over, back to the story ...

When they reached the car, my wife found that there was no way that any two of her large American colleagues could squeeze themselves into the back of the car. In fact, none of them could even get in the front passenger seat.

Big people, ergo big cars.

When you've spent some time in America, you tend to forget just how many people are overweight - and to what extent, a fact that is reflected in clothing sizes. In Europe, my wife and I would tend to choose medium-sized clothes. Here, we have to look for a size S - and we've even bought sweatshirts intended for children. Our six-year-old wore shorts labelled as being for a two-year-old this summer.

Another example: Today I went to get some new jeans. I needed a pair with a 30-inch waist and a 32-inch leg ("30/32"). Unfortunately for me, they started at 32/32 or 32/30 and went on to 34/30, 36/30, 38/30 and 40/30.

Whatever the reasons for the problem with overweight (and I won't get into them now), it's a trend that appears to be accelerating. According to a study by the Trust for America's Health and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation published in the summer, adult obesity (>30% overweight) rates have increased in nearly half (23) of the US states in the space of 12 months - yet fallen in none. As a result, there is now only one state (Colorado) in which the obesity rate is less than 20%.

Put another way, in 49 of the 50 states, more than one adult in five is obese.

More disturbingly, child obesity levels are also on the rise in the US, and the rate is at or above 30% in 30 states. Mississippians top the youth fatty league, with a frightening 44.4% of 10-17-year-olds obese. At the other end of the scale - though still far, far too high - are Minnesota and Utah, with "just " 23.1% overweight or obese children.

Cellphone Drivers

It sometimes seems like every third car you see here in the States is driven by someone with their head firmly anchored to their left shoulder. What may sound like a terrible pandemic disease (and some would say it is precisely that) is actually a penchant for talking on the phone while at the wheel.

Blame the 800+ minutes of talk-time you get on your mobile (AE: cell) phone subscriptions, blame the nation's obsession with cars. Whatever the cause, it's staggering how many drivers you see using a phone without a hands-free kit.

And why shouldn't they? Most US states even permit you to consult, type and send text messages when you're supposed to be avoiding other fast-moving, petrol-filled metal boxes.

Incidentally, in case you're wondering what the other two-thirds of drivers are doing: they're holding their cell phone in their hand.

Safe as Houses

Yesterday I did a really dumb thing - though I only realised afterwards.

Having driven my son to his football game in our neck of Suburbia, I forgot to close my car door, leaving it not merely unlocked, but wide open. The double-beep of my alarm confused me somewhat when I pressed the remote, but I thought nothing of it, and went off with my kids to the pitch 200 metres further on.

Inside the car, albeit in the glove compartment, were my sat-nav and expensive digital SLR camera.

An hour later, the game was over and I ran back to grab my camera for a team photo. Seeing the open driver's door, I initially panicked, but was soon amazed to discover that nothing had been touched and everything was still in its place.

Try a stunt like that pretty much anywhere in Europe, and you wouldn't have had a car to come back to, let alone any valuable contents!

Liquid Volumes

Americans consume their fluids the same way their cars do: by the gallon.

Whether it's milk, juice or liquid soap, the standard container size seems to be 1 gallon (3.78 litres).

Coincidentally, judging by the "1gpf" markings I see everywhere, it's exactly the same volume of water that most urinals and toilets consume with each flush.

Novi

Novi, pronounced to rhyme with Popeye, lies a few miles south of us and is famous for a vast mall - Twelve Oaks - that we are particularly fond of*. This mall is surrounded by a sprawling, treeless car park and a nameless ring-road which is an endless source of amusement for our kids because it prompts our sat-nav to inform us that we are "driving on road".

In my Old-World naïveté, I had always assumed that Novi got its name because it was the newest in the area, or something of that ilk. The truth is far more interesting.

Novi allegedly used to be the sixth stop on the Detroit-Chicago railway line, in other words, station number six: "No. VI". Over time, just like Charing Cross in London ("Croix de la Chère Reine"), the name became bowdlerised to its present form, presumably by people who didn't understand Roman numerals.

But the fun doesn't end there.

Although it only has a population of 57,000, Novi is officially a city, though confusingly enough it is part of Novi Township. The city of Novi was incorporated in 1969 following a vote by the inhabitants of the village of Novi (incorporated 1958).

I think I shall vote to reclassify our house a cathedral.

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* Its fame comes from being big and popular, not the fact that we are fond of it.

One Light or Two?

A very strange thing happened to me today.

I had just pulled over to the side of the road in a shopping centre car park when a woman in her thirties or forties - clearly a driver judging by the keys in her hand - came up to me from behind the car and notified me that one of my rear lights wasn't working.

"One of the brake lights?" I asked.
"I don't know," she said.
"Which side?" I asked, pressing on the brake pedal.
"Not those: one of the middle ones," she said.

So I got out of the car to see what she meant.

"That one," she said, pointing to my left indicator light. "You see it's not blinking?"
"That's because I'm indicating right," I replied a little perplexed.
"But shouldn't they both be blinking?" she asked.
"No. Is this what you mean?" I said, getting back into my car and switching the hazard warning lights on.
"Yes! Now they're both working again!" she cried.
"If only one light is on, it's the left or right indicator," I explained.
"I never knew it could do that," she replied, walking away towards her car, clearly amazed at the revelation.

Carfax

If only I had had a service like Carfax when buying my cars in Europe!

Carfax is an extremely useful and therefore almost essential tool when looking for a used car. For a small fee ($30 for one report, $40 for an unlimited number of reports within a 30-day period), you can find out more-or-less the entire history* of any car. Initial overview reports are completely free of charge.

You simply go to the Carfax Web site, enter the Vehicle Identification Number of the car in question, and you get in-depth information about:

• The vehicle's age;
• The number of owners;
• Where it was driven and sold;
• Its true mileage;
• Its use, whether private or commercial (divided into leasing, fleet or rental);
• All repairs undertaken;
  
• Open manufacturer's recalls for repair;

and most importantly of all

• All reported accidents and - crucially - their severity.

As such, what you end up with is a warts-and-all biography of the car you are considering buying, enabling you to make your purchasing decision based on objective facts rather than a dealer's or owner's patter, and putting you at a huge advantage when negotiating the sale price.

I used Carfax when buying both of our cars here in the States, and because I opted for the unlimited reports option I ran off scores of reports on advertised cars before finally narrowing my search down a few likely suspects. Armed with my Carfax reports and the True Market Value as assessed by edmunds.com, I was able to get excellent deals, even though I was buying from a dealer rather than an individual on both occasions.

Now I just need someone to introduce a similar service for when I return to Europe. Any volunteers?

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* This is not completely true: the information is accurate to the date of the last entry, which could be several months or years back. Though here too, no news is good news.

Mobiles and Accidents

Did you know that the United States is considering restricting the use of mobile phones and MP3 players by pedestrians because of the danger that this might distract them and cause accidents, yet drivers are free to use mobile phones to make calls and even send text messages in most states?

Obesity

Without wanting to sound flippant, obesity is a huge problem in the United States.

Only last month, another worrying milestone was reached when the proportion of Americans who are obese actually exceeded that of those who are merely overweight.

According to statehealthfacts.org, a staggering 60% of the American population is overweight or obese. The average weight of an adult woman is currently 163 pounds (74kg). Even young children are now routinely screened for cholesterol because 16% (more than one in six) of them are obese.

Oddly enough, obesity is not evenly distributed across the States. The District of Columbia is home to not only the nation's capital, but also the nation's slimmest people - though this too is relative, since fully 52.8% of its inhabitants are overweight. At the other end of the scale there's Kentucky, the home of Kentucky Fried Chicken (rebranded as "KFC" to shake off negative publicity about the poor quality of its food). Two-thirds (66.3%) of Kentuckians are overweight.

Poor nutrition is undoubtedly to blame, but so are huge restaurant portions which are often priced so low that some people rarely eat at home because it would cost them more to prepare their own food than to drive to a restaurant or order a takeaway and eat their fill.

Sedentary, car-oriented lifestyles don't help either: just 31% of all Americans exercise regularly. 39.5% never engage in any form of physical activity.

Cars

We've all heard about the woes of the American car industry, brought on largely by the fact that Ford, General Motors, Chrysler et al continued to focus on making ugly, gas-guzzling SUVs long after consumers had  begun migrating in droves to sleeker, smaller, more fuel-efficient cars.

Noting the steep decline in the fortunes of the "Detroit Three" (which it helped trigger by its own divorce from Chrysler), Mercedes clearly thought that it could corner a greater share of the American market. After all, Mercedes is known for making good-looking yet powerful cars.

So what did it do? It created this:

a 3.5-litre SUV every bit as ugly as anything the Americans could conceive, and with fuel consumption of 23 miles to the gallon.

A case of "Rücksprung durch Technik"?