Toothpaste

Back in the mists of time, in a happier, simpler age, whenever you bought toothpaste, you had the choice between a handful of brands - Signal, Crest, Colgate - as well as a few speciality products for neo-Victorians (Arm & Hammer), wimps (Sensodyne) and similar deviants.

Oh, what I'd give to be back in that long-forgotten, carefree era!

Today I went out to get some toothpaste recommended by my dentist. He'd helpfully given me a small sampler tube, so I already knew I liked it. I also remembered it was Colgate toothpaste.

However, upon reaching the chemist, I was faced with a bewildering array of brands, the most wide-ranging of which was - you guessed it - Colgate. So amazed was I by the plethora of Colgate toothpaste on offer that I actually noted down the names of the ones available at this particular store.

Here, for posterity's sake, is that list:

• Advanced Whitening
• Advanced Clean Plus Whitening
• Advanced Fresh Plus Whitening
• Advanced Fresh Enamel Strength
• Clean Mint
• Max Bright
• Max White With Breath Strips
• Oxygen Bubbles
• Mouthwash Beads
• Enamel Protect
• Sensitive Whitening
• Mint Strip
• Whitening Paste
• Icy Blast Whitening
• Whitening With Stain Lifters

Apparently my local CVS pharmacy is short-changing its customers because the American Colgate site also mentions Total, Total Whitening, ProClinical, Max Fresh, Luminous, 2in1, Sparkling White, Tartar Control, Cavity Protection and Ultrabrite.

I'm sure they all do the same job. They all taste minty, freshen your mouth and clean/whiten/brighten your dentition. So apart from confusing consumers, what is the point of having twenty or more names - nay, synonyms - for what is essentially one and the same thing?