Changing-room etiquette

Based on my eye-opening and sometimes gut-wrenching experiences of American changing rooms, I would like to propose the following

Ten Commandments of Locker-Room & Spa Etiquette

 

1. Thou shalt not spray gym-provided deodorant on the top of thy head and arms, nor on thy feet or backside.

2. Thou shalt cure thine nappy rash before parading around in the nude.
3. Thou shalt not steal mine towel. I tooketh it into the shower for a reason.
4. Thou shalt not claim non-existent linguistic skills and confidently assert that Europeans are Australian.
5. Thou shalt not attempt to sell fellow sauna or hot-tub users on the alleged wonders of vacation cruises. Europeans don't cruise.
6. Thou shalt not pre-warm thy sportswear in the sauna. The same applieth to tennis racquets and gym shoes.
7. Thou shalt not dive into the whirlpool.
8. Thou shalt not sit fully clothed in the sauna. Thou only looketh like an idiot.
9. Thou shalt not blow-dry thy nether regions. Especially not with one foot on the sink.

And finally:

10.Thou shalt not prominently carry paperware betwixt thy buttocks.