Election unwords

With the presidential election finally over, Chads throughout the United States are breathing a collective sigh of relief that they were not left hanging or even pregnant this time round. And although Floridians once again took three days longer than everyone else to count their votes, they did not hold the entire country to ransom as they had back in 2000.

We may not have had a Sarah Palin or a George "Dubya" Bush to mangle their words, but this election cycle spawned its own set of neologisms and odd terms, which I would like to take this opportunity to share with you:

• Job-creators: A euphemism coined by the right-wing Republicans to describe the rich in a more positive light;
• Soon-to-haves: No longer is America a country of haves and have-nots. Republican spin-doctors also recast the poor in a bald-faced attempt to win them over to pro-business ideologies;
• Historian: The job-description preferred by would-be Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich to refute claims that the millions he had earned from the pharmaceutical industry were the fruits of lobbying;
• Clean coal: A tautological concept dreamt up by the coal industry to counter the backlash against fossil fuels and moves to search for cleaner sources of energy, the suggestion being that you could burn coal without producing all that environmentally unfriendly soot;
• Caucus (v): I think this means to canvas for a caucus, though it could mean to hold a caucus. Confused? So am I;
• Mainstream media (MSM) or elite media: A favourite expression of Sarah Palin back in 2008, this resurfaced again as a quasi-swearword to describe the non-conservative media - in other words, all media bar Fox News;
• Washington insider: Another "four-letter word" used to dismiss any politician except yourself. Used, bizarrely enough, especially by those who have held political office for decades to put down their opponents. Although this expression was used more widely in '08 and by the TEA ("Taxed Enough Already") Party movement during the 2010 mid-term elections, it featured particularly during the Republican primaries.
• Forcible/legitimate rape: Terms used by senatorial candidates Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock, who vehemently oppose abortion, even following incest or rape. Makes you wonder what the opposite is - consensual rape? Their controversial views on the topic resulted in both men being soundly defeated at the polls;
• Romnesia: A neologism coined by Barack Obama (or his speech-writers) to describe a person's ability to forget what he stated one day and espouse views often diametrically opposed to these when seeking the backing of a different group of voters. Think Mitt Romney's "flip-flopping" on abortion, gun control, coal, immigration, healthcare reform, welfare, the auto-industry bailout ...

More Proof That AE Ain't BE

Going skiing on Sunday reminded me of how I'd made a fool of myself the previous weekend.

In an effort to cut the cost of equipment hire, my wife and I had bought ourselves skis and ski boots. However, when we first went out on the snow with our new gear, my right boot felt somewhat tighter than my left. Remembering that I'd seen a sign advertising a "free ski check", I went and asked if they could have a look at the binding on my right ski.

Imagine my embarrassment therefore when the young man explained that the complimentary service on offer was merely the ability to leave your skis and poles in a sort of outdoor cloakroom.

Educational Insanity (contd.)

The plot thickens.

The woman who assessed my son's language skills and decided that he needs ESL tuition refers to him as "Tom" (including the inverted commas) and says she plans to begin "servicing" him this week.

So who's the one who needs help with their English?

Educational Insanity

Following an assessment of his speaking and listening proficiency, my five-year-old son - French-English bilingual since birth - has been enrolled by his American elementary school in their ESL (English as a Second Language) programme.

All irony and hair-pulling on my side apart, I wonder whether this is because he calls "freedom fries" chips, is baffled by the Pledge of Allegiance, or simply because the tester couldn't understand his accent (it probably sounded too New Zealand).

I hate to say this, but this does seem like yet another example of the country with the world's highest spending on education producing some of the least well-educated people.

Accents

In a restaurant this weekend, I was asked whether we all had the same accent. No, I said, my wife came from France. The self-acclaimed expert who couldn't hear the difference between a French and a British accent then wondered if he could guess my accent.

"Are you from New Zealand?"

"No, Britain."

"Ah, I see! Well, I was close. Those two accents are pretty similar, aren't they? But you're from Big Isle, right?"

You Say "Potato" ...

With so many minute linguistic differences between American and British English, I think the time has come to give you a primer - hopefully the first of many - in Neworldspeak:

Behind (AE) = Bum (BE)
Bum (AE) = Tramp (BE)
Tramp (AE) = Loose woman (BE)
Crazy (AE) = Mad (BE)
Mad (AE) = Angry (BE)
Pissed (AE) = Angry (BE)
Drunk (AE) = Pissed (BE)
Peed (AE) = Pissed (BE)
Pants (AE) = Trousers (BE)
Underwear (AE) = Pants (BE)

Consequently, whereas a British bobby would frown on a pissed tramp for being mad enough to pull down his pants and show his bum, a female cop in the States would be pissed if a mad bum peed on her pants and called her a tramp.

Winningest

Gripe time, I'm afraid: When the Associated Press and others use the term "winningest", it makes my stomach churn. Sure, it's difficult to find a superlative that best describes apparently super-human athletes like Michael Phelps, to take a current example, but why bastardise the English language in the process?

Now before you all start shouting at once, I know the term has been around for a while (and has a listing on Merriam Webster), but let's face it, the term you're looking for is "successful". And if you are going to use "winningest", does that make someone who is not quite at the pinnacle simply "winninger" than others?