Cleanliness

Given the twin obsession of so many Americans with washing and religion, I'm willing to bet that the expression "Cleanliness is next to godliness" was coined in the New World.

I've already written about tips given for avoiding infection and about what I consider "knee-jerk vaccination" that is conducted here for completely harmless - and indeed beneficial - diseases. Other local oddities include mandatory vaccination against Hepatitis B (at-risk groups: drug addicts and prostitutes) for all schoolchildren in the US. Add to this the fact that there are hand sanitisers wherever you look as well as anti-bacterial wipes routinely provided for cleaning supermarket trolleys, and you have the makings of a nation paranoid about illness.

Yesterday I came across something that highlights the lengths to which people go to avoid germs. It all started with a seemingly harmless question on Facebook: "What tips do you have to keep you and your kids healthy during flu season?" The responses (which for reasons too complicated to explain must all come from North Americans), are extremely telling from a European, spoonful-of-dirt-a-year perspective:

• "Wash their hands constantly and before eating with hot soapy water!"
• "Keep little immune systems healthy and stop the spread of germs with Kleenex® Anti-Viral"
• "Flu Shots & GermX!"
• "Making sure my kids and i stick to the '24 hour' rule [i.e. waiting 24 hours after a fever subsides] before going back to school or work. Wish more people did so as to NOT pass their germs!!"
• "I keep Germ-X next to the tissue box, kids sanitize their hands after blowing their noses."
• "Just keep the little germ carrier's home and feed them lots of Jewish Penicilin"
• "Everyone must wash their hands for a minimum of 20 seconds to be effective or singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star all the way through twice"
• "Hand sanitize or wash your hands as soon as you get off the bus, kiddies"
• "Washing hands a lot of course. I've added a chewable calcium with vitamin D to my kids morning routine"
• "Avoid washing your hands in public restrooms and use sanitizer after you leave the restroom instead. Also, don't touch any surface with your hands. I've gotten sick 10 less times a year by doing this"
• "Kids - and adults - have been known to die from the flu. I chose not to get the shot this year, and I have already suffered through one strain of flu this fall. It isn't fun being sick, and if you are in a weakened state of health it can be deadly. Wake up and smell the mortality."

And my two favourites:

• "Avoid people if possible. My Gramma has a shot of whiskey if she's been around sick people"
• "Get ur kids to take a bath as soon as they get home from school, that way they don't spread germs all throughout ur home"
  

War of the White Goods

I am living in the land of the great unwashed. Why? Because household appliances in America do not clean properly. Indeed I'm thinking of starting a campaign to have washing machines and dish washers renamed "rinsing machines" and "dish rinsers" since whatever programme you choose, your clothes and plates come out only marginally less dirty than when they went in. 

We first thought it had to do with our cleaning products. So we bought others. But that changed nothing. So we assumed it was because our machines were old, and replaced them with brand-new ones. Same difference.

After lots of head-scratching and in-depth research, we can now conclusively say there there is not one underlying cause, but three:

1. You can't get the kind of detergents you buy in Europe (the only Ariel you find round here is a mermaid). American supermarkets only stock domestically machinufactured products with fancy names like Hey Presto! (as in "Watch your money disappear down the drain") that seem intrinsically incapable of removing dirt;
2. You can't get the kind of brands of white goods that you get in Europe (the only Whirpool you find round here is in your bathtub); and most crucial of all
3. American dishwashers are made differently. (a) They have not one water inlet, but two; one for hot water, the other for cold; and (b) They do not have an internal heating system. So whereas in Europe your machine takes cold mains water and heats it up to the required temperature, its American counterpart just takes some cold water, mixes it with some hot, and attempts to wash using the resultant lukewarm brew. If your hot water isn't very, the machine fills up with the wrong ratio or the cold water pressure is far higher than that of the in-house hot water system (we fall into the "all of the above" category), you end up wearing freshly-washed dirty clothes and eating off plates with inbuilt flavourings on them.

Which reminds me, I've got some clothes to hand (re-)wash and dishes to (re-)clean. 'Scuse me.