Summoned

It never happened to me in nearly a decade living in France or more than a decade spent in Germany. It didn't even happen to me in my two decades in Britain. And yet just a year after arriving in the United States, I've been summoned for jury duty.

Thrilled at the prospect of saving an innocent man from the gallows (or whatever it is they do to convicted felons round here), I began planning in my head how I would prepare for my forthcoming civic duties. This included:

1. Re-watching 'Twelve Angry Men' and several episodes of 'Judge Judy';
2. Revising the minutiae of American criminal and constitutional law; and
3. Standing in front of the mirror and confidently saying "Not guilty".

Unfortunately, my hopes were dashed when I read the questionnaire that accompanied the summons, and discovered that I failed to qualify for jury duty on several counts.

I'll spare you the details, but I'll just say two things: nationality and previous convictions.