I nearly provoked a major international incident yesterday.
My children and I belong to a local sports club. After we had all engaged in our various sporting activities, and for lack of a family changing room, I innocently took my six-year-old and eight-year-old - one of whom is undoubtedly of the female persuasion - with me into the men's locker room, where they changed out of their gym trousers and t-shirts, and put their shoes and socks back on.
At this point in my tale I should point out that the aforementioned sports club has no fewer than four changing rooms: one for boys, one for girls, one for men and one for women. The door of the boys' changing room bears a large sign proclaiming that girls over the age of four may not enter. The girls' changing room door bears a similarly-sized edict relating to boys. Unbeknownst to me, the "men's locker room" and presumably its female counterpart are out of bounds to anyone under the age of 14.
Given that I had thus unwittingly contravened not one but several rules of this fine suburban establishment, how do you think its fee-paying patrons reacted to this scurrilous assault on their sexuality, this blatant affront to the carefully-nurtured puritan mores of an entire continent?* Did they come up to me and say, "Look here, old chap: I'm afraid this is the gents' changing room, and children are not permitted"? Did any of these upstanding members of male society tap me on the shoulder and say, "Excuse me, sir, but kids ain't allowed in the men's locker room"?
They did not.
Clearly intimidated by my British accent and aghast at my European pre-teens' wanton disregard for their hosts' sensibilities, one or more of them did what any man in their position would do: they "took the Fifth"**, crept out of the locker room and reported me to management.
My children and I belong to a local sports club. After we had all engaged in our various sporting activities, and for lack of a family changing room, I innocently took my six-year-old and eight-year-old - one of whom is undoubtedly of the female persuasion - with me into the men's locker room, where they changed out of their gym trousers and t-shirts, and put their shoes and socks back on.
At this point in my tale I should point out that the aforementioned sports club has no fewer than four changing rooms: one for boys, one for girls, one for men and one for women. The door of the boys' changing room bears a large sign proclaiming that girls over the age of four may not enter. The girls' changing room door bears a similarly-sized edict relating to boys. Unbeknownst to me, the "men's locker room" and presumably its female counterpart are out of bounds to anyone under the age of 14.
Given that I had thus unwittingly contravened not one but several rules of this fine suburban establishment, how do you think its fee-paying patrons reacted to this scurrilous assault on their sexuality, this blatant affront to the carefully-nurtured puritan mores of an entire continent?* Did they come up to me and say, "Look here, old chap: I'm afraid this is the gents' changing room, and children are not permitted"? Did any of these upstanding members of male society tap me on the shoulder and say, "Excuse me, sir, but kids ain't allowed in the men's locker room"?
They did not.
Clearly intimidated by my British accent and aghast at my European pre-teens' wanton disregard for their hosts' sensibilities, one or more of them did what any man in their position would do: they "took the Fifth"**, crept out of the locker room and reported me to management.
______
* People in the US insist that the land-mass referred to as "America" is not one, but two continents, the northernmost of which they grudgingly share with the Canadians.
** Exercised their right to remain silent rather than incriminate themselves, as granted under the 5th Amendment of the American Constitution.
2 comments:
Only in America, eh? A-hem, sorry, the US. The mind boggles. Hope you're not barred from going back...
I just wonder why, given that they didn't have the balls to confront me, they objected to Anna being in the men's changing room. After all, that means there was no evil to see anyway!
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