Spray Cheese

After six long months trawling the malls and supermarkets of America, my quest is at an end: I have finally tracked down spray cheese; a culinary abomination that sends chills down the spines of Frenchmen and was long considered so grotesque that it was thought mythical across the Old World.

Yes indeed, I am the proud owner of an aerosol can of Easy Cheese, a suspiciously bright orange sludge that looks like it was made by NASA for consumption in space and tastes like those slices of processed "toast" cheese that always manage to stick to the top of your mouth.

Now all I need to do is find a use for it.