Local News

Local newspapers around the world are always a wonderful source of journalistic barrel bottom-scraping and typographical randomness. Around here they carry such glorious names as The Beacon and The Eccentric. I simply have to quote the following article from my local rag verbatim because it's such a hilarious case of desperately trying to squeeze two columns out of a complete non-story:

    Two days later, police responded to an address on West Maple Road west of Orchard Lake Road. The police report is not entirely clear, and Police Lt. Carl Fuhs did not know exactly what kind of business it was, but a cleaning woman and another employee at the site got into some kind of disagreement during a discussion about voting. According to the story police gathered, the cleaning woman was getting upset and the other woman attempted to go away.
    However, the cleaning woman, who is black, later confronted the other employee and accused the other employee, who is white, of not liking Obama because he is black, according to police.
    The other employee, a 37-year-old Howell woman, tried to calm down the cleaning woman, a 55-year-old Detroit woman, and called her boss, police said. The cleaning woman reportedly pulled the woman's hair, grabbed the phone from the woman's hand and threw it. Fuhs said police did not know if the hair-pull happened intentionally or incidentally as the cleaning woman went for the phone.
    A 50-year-old Farmington Hills man entered the room and tried to calm down the cleaning woman, who reportedly ranted at him before leaving. Police found her in the area, Fuhs said, and the owners arrived.
    "The woman even told the owners, 'You either fire her right now or I'm prosecuting,'" Fuhs said.
    The owners, Fuhs said, thanked the cleaning woman for her years of service and fired her. No prosecution will occur.